Me-time Alert! What Would You Do if You Had 90 Minutes to Yourself Next Weekend?

Imagine this scenario: Your kids are with their dad, you head into town with a friend, and whilst she has to attend an appointment of her own, you have a whopping 90 minutes of free time. During the weekend, in the middle of the day, in a busy and fun city. Sounds oddly specific? Well that’s because that was me, last weekend. And I’ll tell you what I did in a minute. 

But first my question to you:

What would you do? 90 minutes me-time. Anything goes. What springs to mind for you?

Am I hearing you say, what is me-time?? Then I guess you are part of the majority of the female population who never takes time for themselves, constantly feels rushed and struggles to unwind. 

If that’s you, then this post is dedicated to you. To honour your struggle, because I see you. The work as a mom never stops. Worse so if you have a career and possibly other responsibilities with family, household and the list goes on. Right? 

Whilst many of us struggle to take that much needed and well deserved me-time, some of us got it figured out and manage the cut off, sometimes even guilt free – I bow to you. Let’s get a glimpse of this other side, the women who make the most of their alone time. Let’s dive into why we should all do this – taking time for ourselves, guilt free and regularly!! And I’ll throw in some suggestions too – beyond bubble bath and venting with the girls there are some actual battery recharging things you can do to refresh and get back to your day.

First, let me tell you about my weekend. I can literally tell you are at the edge of your seat, dying to find out what I did with my 90 minutes. Here goes – I accompanied a friend to a postnatal appointment. And until we said, “see you in an hour and a half”, it hadn’t at all dawned on me that I had to figure out what to do whilst waiting for her. I know, that’s a bit silly, but I also somehow assumed I’d just sit in a cafe or go to the nearby farmers market which I often did on weekends with my daughter. So the default comfort zone behaviour, rather than trying something new or different. 

But then I realised, WAIT, I’m by myself and I have 90 minutes. I should do better than just defaulting to what I always do. How often do I get opportunities like this as a single mom, right?

But before I tell you what I ended up doing, I want to share some stats with you. 

Research suggests that us mums, us super mums who hold it all together most of the time and who are amazing all of the time… Yes us mums we have one big fat flaw. And that is that we really suck at taking time for ourselves. And when we do, we feel guilty. 

So let’s take a reality check real quick. I did not make this up to make you feel bad…

1. 40% of working mothers reported feeling rushed all the time. (Source: Pew Research Center in 2019) Juggling work, household responsibilities, and childcare often leaves moms with limited time for self-care. Therefore we don’t carve out time for ourselves – I mean how to do that if we feel stressed or rushed all the time, right?

2. We also apparently don’t like to take any breaks. In fact, 47% of working mothers reported rarely or never having time for themselves or personal hobbies. Balancing career and family obligations can often result in a lack of breaks or personal time. Ok so constant stress and no breaks. Sounds about right, doesn’t it?

3. 78% of working moms experience guilt about taking time for themselves. This is our mental health ladies. This guilt can make it challenging for them to prioritize self-care and breaks.  (Source: Working Mother Media in 2018) So we don’t take any time for ourselves, feel stressed and take no breaks, and then we also feel too guilty to break that cycle. Fun, isn’t it? A bit crazy too, but I guess I can’t and I won’t judge cause I do exactly the same crazy stuff.

Now let’s take a glimpse at where this constant stress, no breaks, and guilt cycle will take us… probably not to win an award. Quite the contrary. It actually affects our well being significantly, according to a report published by the American Psychological Association in 2020. That report highlighted that working moms who do not take regular breaks or time for themselves may experience higher levels of stress, burnout, and physical as well as mental health issues. 

We also know mind fog, insomnia, anxiety, and all those fun side effects of constant stress and guilt can really lower our energy levels, libido, immune system and so on. 

So here we go… Self care IS IMPORTANT ladies. Research consistently shows that self-care is vital for the well-being and resilience of working moms. 

Taking breaks, engaging in activities you enjoy, and prioritizing your health, your checkups, your nutrition, your sleep… all of those can have positive effects on their physical and mental health, job satisfaction, and overall life balance. 

That’s not my verdict, that’s what research suggests. Well and it’s my verdict too. In the sane part of my mind I kind of know all of that, and I’m sure you do too, right?

Fun little story from me, and I’ve been recommending this to friends and clients, too. When my ex and I saw a couple’s therapist after our daughter was born and we struggled with, well, our relationship, the therapist went into the division of household and childcare duties too. No brainer, right? This is often where the frustrations foster. I said I’d like to have lay ins on weekends too, sometimes, considering I was back at work full time just like him, but still we didn’t have equal amounts of shut eye. I was always the one who got up on weekends when the little one was up. The therapist turned to him and asked him, whether that’s his impression too. His answer? “Yes, she’s always the first one to get out of bed so I thought I could just stay in bed then.”

You see, this taught me: next time the baby is up, don’t act on the maternal instinct of jumping up and running to the baby – unless there is a sickness or an emergency of course –  but just pretend to be asleep like our husbands do, and “give them the chance” to react in their own time… I mean, honestly I’m laughing as I’m saying this, but that’s how it works. Leave the dishes and go for a walk – let them do it in their own time. Let them notice the smell of the bins. 

Yes, it requires for us to give up our perfectionism a bit, and give up control over the household a bit. But the gain is immense. Gaining back control over our frickin own selves, our health – mental and physical.

What do you think?

I’ll leave you with this thought: If we are all jointly so bad at this me-time/ self prioritisation thing – as research suggests. And we are all frequently skipping breaks, feeling rushed, eating our food standing somewhere, drinking our coffee cold, have no time for friends, hobbies, and  on top feel guilty by default, then let’s turn this around. 

Let’s change the future research. Why? Because we can!

Let’s start today to take those breaks when we feel like we need a break. Let the hubbies get up in the night. Let’s tell our kids occasionally, ”Sorry darling, mummy needs a break/ snack/ needs to put her feet up right now.” And let them learn about rest and the importance of it, too. Let’s re-humanise ourselves. Because after all, we might be super moms, but we have a mental and physical health construct like all the normal people, too, unfortunately. 

Honestly, we let’s ourselves a favour and don’t get all wrinkly, frustrated and burnt out from everything that’s hitting us. Let’s share the responsibilities more equally. Let’s set those boundaries. Let’s normalise me-time for moms. 

After all, and I don’t say this to add to your guilt but I’m speaking to your super power as a mom here – we also need to role model this behaviour to the next generation so THEY don’t end up all burnt out. Isn’t that awesome?  We are capable of changing the future of generations just by taking breaks when we need them?

Same goes for this constant feeling of being stressed or rushed. And that mom-guilt. We need to put a stop to those. Sorry honey, I’ll miss you too but mummy needs a workout now. And then GO DO IT AND DON’T LOOK BACK. 

I know you agree, I know you relate, I know you have felt stressed, rushed, overwhelmed, guilty. It’s part of the job, right? And we won’t ever lose all of it. We care and we always want to do way more than we can because we are overachievers. But here’s the deal: 

We NEED TO take breaks too. We are humans and we have to take care of ourselves. Not just everyone else. But ourselves too. 

So why not take some inspiration and do something fun – not just once in a while but once a week at least. It doesn’t have to be a day trip. Honestly, listening to an inspiring podcast is me-time. So keep it up.Do whatever does the trick for you, and do it regularly. 

Mindfulness, exercise, self-care, recreation in nature. All of it. 

What I did in my 90 minutes last weekend? I went for a thai massage and OH MY GOD it hurt and i flinched through nearly most of it cause I hadn’t had a massage in months. But I felt lighter afterwards. And had a lovely connection with the massage therapist who also came from London, lived in the same neighbourhoods and it was so lovely and refreshing for mind and body. I topped it all off with a nice walk and a green juice. 

And I know I’ll do that again – once a month from now on for the massage, plus daily walks, better sleep hygiene and more veggies…

What are you going to commit to you? Lay ins on the weekend maybe? Breakfast in bed? Taking up running again? 

I hope that you can give yourself permission to enjoy and savor those rare moments of freedom. It’s not only beneficial for you but also for your overall well-being, allowing you to return to your family and work life with renewed energy and happiness. 

DM me with your commitment on breaking the overwhelm cycle.